WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug (A Spoof)

Benefits of  “WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug”

  • It’s fast acting.
  • Highly effective at altering a person’s mood.
  • Proven to convey potentially life-saving information rapidly
  • Inexpensive
  • Can be taken without a prescription

Potential Side Effects of  “WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug”

  • Range from minor discomfort and distraction to severe emotional pain and even anguish.
  • Can lead to such tunnel-vision distraction that a person taking this medication may completely forget to smell the roses, to savor his or her own life and the lives of others.
  • Worry-wart-gitis can develop and prompt its sufferers to become highly averse to taking any type of risk.
  • Worry-wart-gitis can further lead to going in circles, feeling at loose ends, tossing and turning and even down-right stewing.
  • The side effects of worry can become painfully noticeable even when a person taking this medication is enjoying one of life’s mountaintop experiences.  People have been known to be in the middle of what is surely a mountaintop experience, only to discover that their heads are so filled with the fog of some minor worry (like whether or not the car doors are locked) that they barely even notice the view.

Note on the Side Effects of  “WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug”:  The side effects of  “WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug” can indeed overshadow its benefits, but the good news is that when managed wisely, the side effects of worry can be greatly minimized and the benefits of worry noticeably enhanced.

Before Taking a Dose of  “WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug”:

Remember that a worry is usually just a question in the same way that “Why do oak trees produce acorns?” is simply a question.   But whereas a person tends to either store away a question like “ Why do oak trees produce acorns?” for a rainy day or simply go to Google, a person tends to think a worry over and over again.  A person most likely wouldn’t say, “Wow, I stayed awake most of last night tossing and turning trying with all my might to answer the question “Why do oak trees produce acorns?”  This would be just plain weird.

On the other hand, some questions take the form of a worry, like “In sixty years when I’m ninety-nine and a half going on one hundred, will I have enough saved up to live on?”  People have been known to sometimes stay up till all hours of the night and even into the early morning fretting about this type of question.

Once a Dose of  “WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug” Has Been Taken:

It is important to figure out what Strength of Worry has been taken.  The Strength of Worry taken will determine how best to make the dose of worry be of benefit rather than detrimental.

The Three Strengths of WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug:

  1. The I Can Productively Attend To This NOW Worry
  2. The I Can More Successfully Resolve This LATER Worry
  3. The There’s Absolutely Nothing I Can Do But FRET Worry

1. The I Can Productively Attend To This NOW Worry is perhaps the most straightforward to deal with and quickly minimize the side effects of.

For Example: Say a person, for the sake of this informational blog post on

“WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug” we will call her Carol, is hosting a dinner party and having fun talking with her guests around the dining room table.  Suddenly, she takes a dose of “WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug” as she starts to contemplate whether her cat has found the leftover ham on the kitchen counter.  Rather than sitting and letting the side effects of  “WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug” bubble up, she promptly excuses herself and goes into the kitchen in time to see her kitty just starting to sniff the ham with very keen interest.

Recommended Course of Action: The “I Can Productively Attend To This NOW Worry” can be resolved in a concrete way and is also very time sensitive.  The time to resolve this worry is NOW, (and not when Carol’s leftover ham is ninety-five percent eaten and her cat is leaving evidence that he is exceedingly sick to his stomach all over the house).

“WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug” says GOOD WORK CAROL!

2. The I Can More Successfully Resolve This LATER Worry is a different kind of animal all together.  For best results, defer resolving this worry until a later time.

For Example: Say on a Saturday night, Carol takes a dose of “WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug” as she starts to have a concern about whether the check she has been waiting for (the one she knows has already been sent) will come in the mail on Monday.  Now there is really nothing Carol can do to resolve this concern until she peeks in her mailbox on Monday.  All of Carol’s worrying about this question on Saturday night will only distract her from the fun she is having line-dancing and drinking Shirley Temples.

Recommended Course of Action:  Write a reminder on ones calendar to resolve this worry at the appropriate time.

And this is exactly what our hero Carol does.  She takes a break from the dance floor, sits down and as she sips her Shirley Temple, she opens her day planner and writes a reminder to check her mailbox on Monday.

“WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug” salutes Carol by saying, “Way to think on your Country Western dancing feet, Carol.”

A Second Type of the “I Can More Successfully Resolve This LATER Worry” occurs when a worry (that is not highly time-sensitive) has a solution, but a person is so emotionally caught up in the worry that it is hard to think straight and do anything productive.

For Example: Carol has just gotten laid off from her job.  Upon, receiving this news, she notices that has taken a huge dose of “WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug.”

Recommended Course of Action: Write a reminder in ones calendar to resolve this worry when one is in a more relaxed state of mind.

So what does Carol do?  After noticing her level of current agitation, she has the presence of mind to take a step back and realize that she would probably be well-served if she made a note on her calendar to start thinking about finding a new job in three days.  Then for the next three days, Carol focuses on having fun and line dancing.  After the three days, refreshed she looks at her calendar, is prompted to think about finding a new job, and goes about this task in a much more refreshed and relaxed way than he would have three days previous.

“WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug,” says “Good Going Carol!”

3. Then there’s the There’s Absolutely Nothing I Can Do But FRET Worry.  This Strength of Worry can be highly potent and the side effects highly distracting and disturbing.

For Example:  Say Carol has just landed a job interview for her dream job.  Way to go, Carol!  Carol has researched the company and thoroughly prepared for the interview.  She has professional clothes to wear.  She is ready for the interview today, BUT the interview isn’t for three weeks.  Suddenly, Carol has plenty of time to take many doses of “WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug.”

Recommended Course of Action: Refocus ones attention on other activities and living in the NOW.

What does Carol do? Carol focuses on having the time of her life during a three-week vacation.  Then she goes into the interview refreshed, confident and lands the job of her dreams.

“WORRY— The Occasionally Pretty Good Drug” thanks Carol for inspiring us all to line-dance and maximize the benefits of worry, while minimizing its side effects.

Game of the Day

How can you use the miracle drug of worry more effectively in your life while minimizing the side effects?

Jason Freeman is a professional writer, and a one-of-a-kind public speaker.  He is the founder and CEO of Heroic Yes! Productions. Jason has an MFA in Poetry from the University of Nebraska.  He knows the pain of perceiving one’s life through a lens of limitation and also the thrill of moving beyond that mindset.  For more information on Jason’s powerful message, or to book him to present to your organization, go to www.HeroicYesProductions.com. 

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